How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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