so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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