you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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