i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
