she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize