My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
