I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
