There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i've created a new STD.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
is it fun? or sober?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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