So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
