So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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