I got chris browned last night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
