Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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