turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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