Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
