Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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