Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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