so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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