Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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