I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
