when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
