I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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