you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
