i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So much Jack, so little girl.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
