I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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