as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize