A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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