I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
