just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
