you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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