Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
