This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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