I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I could make wine with my vomit
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize