The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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