I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it was like eating out sand paper
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
