I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
