It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
