who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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