Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
