I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
