Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize