Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
