i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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