This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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