Tell her she can't have a vagina
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
