Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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