dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize