I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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