can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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