i need an iv and a liver transplant
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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