I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
