obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think your dad took our porno
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Two words: nipple clamps
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