I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
