please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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