We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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