Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
