all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
