I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
