I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
