someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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