She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
