saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
