I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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