Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
