Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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