In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
