you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
