lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
