After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's the barista slut.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
