I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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