I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Two words: nipple clamps
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