My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
