This dress was meant to end up on your floor
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
