You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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