You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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