I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
