you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
