the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
