I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
