I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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