; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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