If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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