There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
