drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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