I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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