"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
