You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My feet surprised me
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