The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After tacos, we're chasing women.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
