I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
