he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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