also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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