i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
