i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
