it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
