I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
