im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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