i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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