So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
