Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
