Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
