FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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