Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
