Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize