For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
