why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
