I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
